If today’s comic is a bit confusing, then good. It’s supposed to be – or at least it’s supposed to represent how confusing dealing with our girlfriends was way back when we were in college and we had to explain to them why it was that for a whole day out of the weekend, they not only had no boyfriend but also why they were not allowed to “tag along” and watch us play.
In our gaming group we had a rule about “guests”, and it was that nobody was allowed to be at our gaming sessions unless they were playing. We felt uncomfortable with people just hanging around, watching us play, I suppose it made us feel self conscious or whatever. We had all – at some point – tried to get our girlfriends into gaming, but it turned out that even after a couple of sessions none of them were actually interested. So in the end, our Sunday RPG sessions we’re 100% girlfriend-free.
Of course, this made it so that we had to explain to them that we weren’t going to spend time with them, and every single Saturday we’d have to go through the same thing when answering the question “will you be playing tomorrow?”. Noticing that the situation was pretty much the same with all my friends, I eventually came to the conclusion that we were all suffering from something I like to call “gamer’s guilt”. Basically, it’s a feeling of guilt and confusion that comes from having a good time but not being very clear on if it’s OK since you’re not having a good time with your partner. I’m sure there’s an actual name for it, but I’m no psychologist.
The result was that every weekend we’d all go through the little “guilt dance” where we’d try our best to make our girlfriends feel that we wanted them to be there, without actually inviting them. It involved calling them every couple of hours during the game, making sure we spent the day before with them, and making sure nobody else took their girlfriend to our game, since that would ruin the balance of the whole thing.
And that’s where today’s comic comes from. Clumsily trying to explain to your girlfriend that she won’t see you this weekend so you can go “play” with your friends.
Good hunting;
O
NOTE: I wrote the entire rant from a male’s perspective because (last time I checked) I’m a male. The whole thing is not about gender, it’s about relationships.
NOTE 2: I know, I know. Some of you have wonderful relationships where you both play and it works. Good for you.
It was said on Fear the Boot and It seems appropriate here too. Tabletop roleplaying games are NOT a spectator sport, they are in no way made better by having an audience.
You totally nailed it, O!
After 23 Tabletop RPG-free years, my lovely wife of 23 yrs and our adult children are going to start. They never have and are looking forward to it.
@Talkor; Could not agree more.
The ninja assassinated the kitty and stole his spot on the mantle!! Good ninja, have a Scooby Snack. Ninja Kitty is awesome, love the ears and whiskers.
I know the problem.
We all managed to make clear at the strat of a relationship that we are gamers and that’s the way it is. Worked pretty well so we didn’t guilt dance that much if at all.
Just one guy hat a rather clingy girl so one every session he went to phone for half an hour or so wich was quite annoying cause we’d have to wait to continue.
@ Talkor: Exactly!
And this is why I would only ever date a gamer girl.
ninja kitty!!
Aw, that’s sweet that she gets it.
My college girlfriend would call a half hour before game time and see how long she could keep me on the phone as the other players started to arrive. I suspect she was keeping score.
mmmh i “kinda” know it, but i don’t really see the problem with just being up front about it. my current girlfriend sometimes games with us and has a good time, but she really doesn’t mind me doing things without her, just like it’s the other way around. it’s not like just because you have a partner, everything has to revolve around them.
most of our hobbies are actually pretty separated and the time we spend together is more of the intimate kind instead of the doing our hobbies time.
It’s why I like the every other Saturday spread for our game. It gave me a couple of full weekends every month for not only my girlfriend, but also going away and doing other things. So many events happen on Saturday Nights.
Same thing happened for me, the counterside was that she tagged along so to redirect the attention I also invited my best friend so she could distract my girlfriend while I played, finding a balance as they drank and we played… Easy enough.
Maybe all the “males” should invite all the girls so they chit chat, gossip and drik while the geeks play.
I had to do that in my first marriage, or rather BEFORE the marriage, since into the marriage I couldn’t really play at all. Now, in my second marriage to the woman I should have married the first time, she’s a gamer too, rather experienced. She worked at a comic store when we started dating, and right now she’s playing a barbarian in my current D&D campaign.
Bliss.
Batey’s girlfriend has smacked it bang on the nail. Sometimes time away from your significant other makes you appreciate them more. Familiarity breeds contempt and all that.
Maybe I’m just overly independent. Maybe others are too clingy.
@Ifrit: If that was done on me, I’d be less than impressed as I’m always up for learning new games and am a regular D&D player and part time GM. 3.5e in case anyone cares.
I kinda like giving my bf gamer’s guilt…it’s kinda fun. He doesn’t do the RPG’s as much but he has an online clan and I love to go in and hug on him in the middle of the game and make him feel a lil’ guilty for not spending time with me or the kid. I probably wouldn’t mind if it were a once in a while thing, but when you spend hours a day on a computer…I deserve to bother him
I totally understood the comic btw…it’s a similar thing to Girl’s Night Out Guilt…
Yup, I was into gaming before I met my mate. A friend of mine invited me to a game at her house, (yes, another female gamer) and he was the D.M. When we first met it was like rolling a natural 20 on the romance chart, we’ve been together ever since and 22 years later we still run for each other nearly every night, and not only in the bedroom sense of the phrase.
I forgot to mention that I also D.M. I highly recommend marrying another gamer if you plan on gaming for the rest of your life like we do. Even after the physical aspects of our marriage are long gone, we both know that we will continue to give good game.
Also, we totally hate pocket sucubi which is what we used to call the girlfriends of our gaming group who wanted to come and drag their partners attention away from the game. After the second time that happened we made a rule, no girlfriends / boyfriends present at a game who were not also seriously into gaming themselves.
In all my relationships, there was nothing but hate towards RPG gaming. None of my girls played RPGs or were bothered to even try. LARP or cosplaying were even better hate-generators. On the other side, they also tried to spoil enjoyment for me on everything else they didn’t like. I might just have bad judgement when it comes to partner choice.
My wife games. We were in a great campaign together, but with the kids it became difficult for us to both game most of a day, and our primary babysitter, her mother, didn’t like taking them so we could both play… *sigh* Maybe someday we can do it together again.