Without any pride I feel that I can safely consider myself to be pretty skilled at video role playing games (at least half-decent). I’ve played my fair share of them and the only one to ever have beaten me is The Witcher (and that was just because my PC could no longer handle it). Still, I have to admit that if not for the situation represented in today’s comic I probably would not have been able to see those ending videos I claimed as a prize.

I’ve probably lost count of how many times I’ve applied the glitchy tactic of running up to a monster, scoring a puny little harmless hit and then running away until the monster gave up and turned its back on me - only to run back up to it and do it again. With enough patience, you can get tons of experience by killing monsters you could never, ever beat at your current level in a direct, fair fight. Sure enough, in some games, some monsters will run after you longer or perhaps appears to be a bit more persistent - but in the end they all just give up and go back to where they were before some stranger just ran up to them all crazy, stabbed them for no apparent reason and then ran away. Heck, I won all 3 Gothic games that way - when I went to town to buy armor I felt as if I should’ve been buying a track suit instead of chain mail.

Personally, I’ve always thought it would be incredibly cool if monsters in games could at least hold a grudge for more than 30 seconds. Imagine what it would be like if at the beginning of the game you chopped down a bunch of goblins and mistakenly left one of them alive (or maybe he escaped). Wouldn’t it be awesome if the little guy stalked you for the greater part of the game, burning with his lust for revenge, until finally he ambushes you when you’re at your worst?

I wonder if any game has done anything like that? I mean, sure, NPCs that are essential to the plot do that all the time - but doesn’t that little and apparently insignificant goblin in my example have just as much reason to hate your guts as any “relevant” NPC?

Or wouldn’t it be amazing if you could just run through the entire game randomly stabbing people only to end up hiding up in some tower or atop some cliff overlooking the thousands of people that have amassed with the common goal of kicking your ass? But no, it seems that most NPCs are content with just chasing you for a few seconds and then just letting their revenge wait until you conveniently walk up to them again (and that’s in the few games where NPCs actually remember what you did to them).

Of course, I realize that in the past such things would’ve been beyond our capacity to program into a game - but I’d assume we’ve advanced at least enough to have a few unforgiving monsters?

Good hunting;
O

NOTE: If I was an NPC in your game, and you so much as looked at me funny, I’d hunt you and your family down and then make you watch while I did things to them all. Horrible things.

When you saw the Lord of the Rings (and I believe it’s safe to assume that you did) you probably imagined one of two things: that you were Aragorn or that you were Legolas. I’d suppose that through the books, there must’ve been at least a few people that wanted to be Gimli, but since the movie portrayed him more as a stumbling, clumsy, grumpy character that might’ve fit in much better with Snow White’s companions than with the Fellowship of the Ring then I’m inclined to believe Gimli was not likely to be amongst people’s favorites.

Some might imagine themselves as Gandalf - and I understand that perhaps some people like the idea of magic a whole lot. But Gandalf barely pulls off a couple of spells, and if one (or any) of the Istari are the characters you actually identify yourself with then your ego is probably bigger than it should be. If somebody came up to me and said he always imagined himself as Frodo, I’d just say that he’s a masochist. It’s not a matter of respecting people’s opinions, no. If you want to be Frodo, something’s wrong with you. And if you want to be Sam, well… I believe even a homosexual man would call Sam a subservient tulip.

So yeah, in general, most fantasy, RPG enthusiasts imagined themselves as Aragorn or Legolas while watching the movie - and while Aragorn had a certain air of nobility and grace surrounding him we all have to acknowledge that the best fight scenes definitely go to the elf. You got him kicking ass in melee, then you got him poking asses with his bow (I guess the actual “kicking” part of “ass-kicking” can’t be applied to the use of a bow… so I’ll go with “ass-poking”). And he not only looks awesome doing it, but he even manages to pull off a few stunts that can only be defined as being acrobatic while he’s at it.

Therefore it should be no surprise that when I drew the image of the Weretiger throwing knives at an Owlbear over Dwarf’s shoulder I was reminded of Legolas even in spite of the fact that I cannot recall the elf prince actually doing such a thing. Or maybe he did, I honestly can’t remember. Either way, I’m certain he could’ve if he wanted to.

Didn’t Aragorn throw a knife at least?

Anyway, that’s the idea that crossed my mind as I was drawing today’s comic, and the last panel just flowed naturally. It’s been a while since we poked fun at Al for technically being a furry.

Good hunting;
O
www.commissionedcomic.com

NOTE: For the record, I think furries are delightful people.  I still can’t deal with the mouthful of hair and even more with the fact that I avoid hair of my own as much as I can. So while I might even be considered the “anti-furry” because of my own personal choices, I still find them to be a fascinating bunch of people. Sometimes sexy, even. I mean… Merle. I’d hit that.

I would like to propose “you got flanked” as the table-top RPGer’s alternative to getting “pwned”. We can also use the term “sneak attack” but then I suppose that one should only be used for the most intense of situations, when “flanked” just doesn’t seem like enough. It’s gotta be really intense, though.

Good hunting;
O

NOTE: I never really got into Counter-Strike (you know… where most people attribute the term “pwned” to have come from?), or any multiplayer experience for that matter. As the moment, my multiplayer gaming is limited to being invaded by Black Phantoms in Demon’s Souls - or as I like to call it: “some moron is trying to ruin my day, and on purpose!”. As you could expect, this doesn’t exactly help me warm up to the whole concept of multiplayer, at all.

I’d absolutely be willing to go as far as saying that Magic Missile is a “flagship spell”. Sure, it’d be a small, derelict, broken, leaky, ugly vessel that can only carry one person - but it’d be the fastest ship in the fleet. When the mage runs out of fireballs and everything else,  there’s always a Magic Missile left to be fired as a last act of desperation. It’s like that final shot in the dark signaling that while you might be defeated, you will never be beaten.

OK, maybe I’m romanticizing the crappy little spell, but the truth still remains that during the first levels of a character’s life, Magic Missile is easily his or her greatest weapon. Unlike rays, it never misses. And when you advance a bit you get to shoot out several of them at the same time - and towards different targets, even! Focusing them all on a single opponent can potentially do some pretty decent damage.

But that’s exactly where Magic Missile fails. Each one does 1d4+1 damage - and anybody that has played this game at least once knows that a four-sided dice is about as dependable as a Kobold’s courage. While you could potentially do something around 25 points of damage (not bad for a sure, single shot from a spell you can eventually learn to cast without components or even two times per round) having to roll a 4-sided dice for each missile also means you could just as easily deal only 10 points of damage. With a 4-sider, it’s probably gonna be the second option.

But still, be it high or low, it’s still a sure and definite hit (unless the target has spell resistance, in which case you’re screwed) and that’s why in our group Magic Missile is always used as a backup spell. As I said before, normally it’ll get fired at the end of a fight as some sort of last resort - but sometimes it also gets used as a coup de grace spell that allows you to deal that finishing hit from afar (a coward’s victory is still a victory!). Also, in our group you get to see Magic Missile used as decoration. Weak as it might be, the spell is still pretty cool and the fact that you’re basically shooting magic from your finger tips looks pretty damn awesome in my imagination. Which brings us to today’s comic. Sort of.

Playing Demon’s Souls there’s a basic, weak spell called “Soul Ray” or something like that. It’s pretty much a Magic Missile. So running around a level, diving for cover, rolling and firing those magic rays I started to feel a lot more like I was in some sort of shoot-out in a John Woo movie instead of a medieval fantasy world. I realize it sounds like something to criticize from the game, but it’s not. It’s actually incredibly awesome.

So, while I was playing I remembered how my players always use the Magic Missile as if it were some sort of gun - a gun that fires magic. And that’s where today’s comic comes from.

Good hunting;
O

But I took the highroad.

Anyway… remember how like, last year during the middle of the year I had to format my PC and install Windows 7? And remember how that was an evaluation version that expired like, March 1st? Yeah… So I like, totally forgot about that (even though the computer reminded me several times a day) and ended up having to emergency-format my PC and get everything running again.

So today I had to post the comic in pencil, because sometimes the software (which will not be named) I need to have installed in order to color it just wants to be a little bitch and give me a bunch of problems before it finally decides to give in and work properly.

Oh well… I think everything’s under control now. Maybe.

Good hunting;
O

NOTE: If anybody suggests that I “use GIMP” I will hunt you down. I think it’s great that’s there’s an open source graphics program, but honestly, it’s not the same.