Ah… let’s do an angry rant today, shall we? It’s been a while since we’ve done those.
I write today’s rant with the hope that somehow I will manage to get some of you to view Halloween as it should be: the one night of the year when we’re all just authorized to be just as horrendous and freaky as we all desperately want to be deep down inside.
Now, right from the start I will admit: last year I did - in fact - dress up as a Lego man, a deed that not only required a whole lot of work but that also resulted in a giant representation of a toy that is so incredibly the opposite of scary I have trouble coming up with something clever to compare it to. I did! You can check it out here, in fact. All I can say is that I was close to 3 meters tall and still wasn’t intimidating. That says a lot. Size doesn’t matter, when you’re a Lego man.
But this year, I feel somewhat differently and I feel the need to complain about it. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I’m growing older (it probably does). Or perhaps it has more to do with the fact that I hate the little snots that people call children that live in my neighborhood so much that I just cannot conceive how somebody would not take advantage of the one night of the year when it is considered OK to just jumped out from a corner and scare the living crap out of the little vermin.
They deserve to be scared. They annoy me. A lot. They make noise, and they run around in the building corridors stomping on the floors and yelling at full volume with their squeaky little voices and afterwards crying their lungs out when they’re told to go inside by a neglectful mother that has absolutely no intention of actually making them come inside but just does it so that people won’t comment on how she allows her children to play where they’re not supposed to.
Of course they do, you see, she just can’t smack them around in order to impart something similar to discipline. It seems that society frowns upon such things - which makes me believe I could easily start a business where people pay me to smack their children around for them. I’m sure most parents secretly want to hit their kids and this is a task I would gladly perform, a service to society and its dark, secret urges. I don’t really care if my neighbors see me as the horrible little bald man living in 204 that likes to hurt children. If it helps the little turds shut up, I will sacrifice my social status with a smile on my hugely chinned face.
But anyway, the world as we know it seems to have forgotten what Halloween was originally about and has somehow turned it into a children’s holiday (as if they didn’t have a whole bunch of others), effectively ruining it for those of us that simply enjoy the delights of zombies, ghosts, goblins and other creatures of the macabre. Halloween belongs to us, not to them - and if they’re willing to be scary and participate in the gore fest that this day should be then I say they should, because they should be educated since early ages in the fact that blood, slime and fangs are just as fun and harmless as hearts, hugs and kisses. But if they are unwilling and simply cannot part with their stupid idea to dress up as the latest lame cartoon character that is considered safe and morally correct by their parents (and thus completely and mind-numbingly boring) then they should just stay at home and not go out that evening. Simple as that.
And of course! Most of you must be thinking “but what a curmudgeon! Why can’t he just leave the little kiddies alone? Why can’t just ignore them? I have kids of my own, I feel offended!”. To you I say that it is not so. It seems I am expected to smile, laugh and participate in this twisted version of my beloved holiday. Everywhere I go sticky, sugar-rushed children run up to me asking for candy like I’m some sort of bald piñata. And even if I were to stay at home they go and knock on my door and continue to do so until I emerge so they can sing their stupid little song as ask me to just give them the food I have worked so hard to buy and probably need more than they do.
So this year, I have seen the error in past ways and thus have decided to be the scariest, most horrific apparition I can manage to be. And I will throughly enjoy scaring the sticky off of those thousands of little kids that live in my neighborhood and happen to cross paths with me - because October 31st is the one night of the year when I can do it and just shrug when parents give me a hateful stare. It is Halloween, after all. What did you expect me to do? Give them sweet stuff to eat? DO I look like the Easter Bunny to you?
Seriously, people - kids have a holiday pretty much all the time. Every single holiday except St. Patrick’s Day is now all about the kids, and I’m pretty sure that if underage drinking is ever legalized they will also ruin that one. So even if just for the sake of old Celt traditions, let me enjoy this one.
In conclusion, if you happen to live near me, keep your kids in doors. Lock them up, drug them to sleep. For if I should find them prowling the streets I promise you I will scare them so bad they´ll be as nervous and neurotic as little squirrels for the rest of their lives.
And squirrels are cute and furry, so they can get away with it. But a 40-year old man still living with his mother because he suffers from night terrors is not. So think about it.
Good hunting;
O
Nice comic and a message I fully agree with!
Oh and 2 ninjas
“keep it scary” said the giant LEGO guy
O, I work in a school and I would put on payroll RIGHT NOW to terrify these effers!
EDIT put YOU on payroll…see how they have me addled?!
Saturday is both a holy day for me and my wedding anniversary. Our 5th.
Amen.
Is the monster in the comic based on your mask? Or the other way around? Or neither?
Are you ever going to do Audio rants again? I know they take up a lot of your time, but they were AWESOME. I laughed my ass off.
Also, my parents used to beat the snot out of me when I acted up……
Congrats on adding ninjas to a strip where I expected to find none.
I look forward to the day their number is sufficient for a where-do-these-ninjas-come-from? storyline.
I support the plan and I expect a full report on Day of the Dead November 1rst.
love the mask O, the teeth are very sexy…
Your monster mask seems really similar to the monsters in the movie “Feast”, any relation ? Awesome movie by the way.
Heh, your rant reminded me of this:
http://www.catharsiscomic.com/archive.php?strip=061031-210694.jpg
Now, I hate children as much as the next guy, but I’m perfectly fine with non-scary costumes. Because Halloween is the one day when all (most) of my female co-workers see just how far they can push the company dress code. I have to admit I enjoy that very much.
Agreed, good sir. Agreed.
amen, and im still in highschool >.> but yeah, i agree totally with you, at least dress up as a zombie or a pirate or a ninja or something. Be something that could do damage if it wanted to.
I with you O. You dress creepy for Halloween around here and people think it’s weird. WTF
O now I have to re-think my costume, a ninja, you have to say this things with more time …. let us now your evil plans… well not evil yet not completely socially accepted plans.
This is for a party at my fiancees college. She got an email for a halloween party they are holding.
“After the meal, we will be having a costume and pumpkin party! We will
decorate and carve pumpkins. You are welcome to wear an appropriate
costume (clothes representing your country, a special cartoon hero, a
famous person). PLEASE, NO GHOSTS, GHOULS, SPOOKY CREATURES, ETC!!
Prizes will be awarded!!”
Outrageous. The main members may be religious, but then shouldn’t you instead not celebrate instead of mocking the celebration. Just saying.
Halloween is also based of the Christian “All Hallows”
What if I’m a hot chick and want to dress skanky? Is that allowable?
You can be hot and scary. Zombie chicks are hot. And look at the nurses from Silent Hill! Hot.
I agree with keeping Halloween scary i really do i get tired of the silly stuff like strawberry shortcake and care bears (unless they are zombie care bears).
I do have one question though. Didn’t you dress as a giant lego man one year?
The end of the pagan year was at the end of winter and the beginning of spring. Spring meant rebirth to the pagans and today that beginning coresponds to easter.
Pagan rebirth - easter - chinese new year - holy crap they fit together! See?
yeah a buddy of mine scared at least 12 children so badly, they went screaming and crying away just lookin at his mask,
that was like 2 years ago. and lookin at what you got there, I can say you’ll beat that, and it will be awesome.
90% of modern holidays have traditions that back to ‘pagan’ religions such as Father Christmas(I just prefer that translation to it) coming down from pipe, that is originated from Northern Shamans who arrived inside houses from pipes if there was too much snow to use ‘doors’. And Christams was in many cultures a day of war gods as thursday was a day for Thor in scandinavia.
To my ancestors Father Christmas8he had different name but it got forgotten by the christianity as nearly all things in traditional and original religions) usually came in the end of year to punish kids with out respect to elders.
Amen. Totally agree with you!!
Best of luck with your night of scaring the little brats
The mask is looking fantastic!
I wholeheartedly agree with your rant. The child worship is getting out of hand. The poor sheltered things aren’t allowed to be left alone for a second to enjoy even something as basic as getting the shit scared out of them without their parents or some Committee for Protecting Children from Angry Bald Men, swooping in and banning something. At the very least they’ll write angry article & get on tv proclaiming that holidays like Halloween are exclusively for children and adults should get back to be being boring like they should be. And I’m writing from Australia where internet censorship in order to protect the children is on the horizon, and it seems a government formed committee is now organising an eduction campaign to inform parents of the dangers of children falling out of windows. No, I’m not joking.
Haha, sad, sad O…. I wish your neighbors get twins. All of them. And then get pregnant again.
Seriously now, if you really had the balls, you would talk to their parents about it, explain to them how to behave to their kids. And no, hitting defensless kids doesn’t show you have balls, quite the opposite. Only a coward would do that. Time to change your mind and tactics O. You can solve your problem but not in the way you imagine. Use dialogue.
we don’t have Halloween in poland…sniff… freaking church:(
I combined my goth look with zombie. I was complimented on guys for being hot when I was goth, but not goth/zombie.
Good night, Happy day-after-Hallowen! Today the real scares come when all you one night standers find out you just got a nasty case of herpes. :D!!
Way to go O. too many people have forgotten what Halloween originally was. I myself am Wicca and celebrate Samhain. Jaeger is also right, many holidays we now celebrate originate from pagan holidays or have many aspects of them.For example Christmas- Yule(for a long time many Christians would not put a tree up).
Also despite the fact that I am about to be a mom I agree with O again on that front. Kids are absolutely spoiled rotten these days. Simply because parents are usually too afraid to punish them. WTF.
they’re your kids people! nobody wants to be bad guy but it has to be done sometimes.