So I’m walking through the supermarket, with my incredibly uncomfortable basket dangling from my arm, and I finally decide that the part of the process where I gather my goods is done with and that it’s time to go and pay for all of it. I’m one of those weird people that actually enjoy going to the market, looking at food and walking around. I specially enjoy going with a friend because then I’ll make jokes like suddenly grabbing as many tampon boxes as I can carry, then asking my friend to hold them for me and then waiting to see how long it takes before he asks me about it. Give it a try (of course, the joke only works if you’re a guy, because if you’re a girl then, well… your friend will just assume you’re having a really bad month).
In any case, this time I was alone and I find my solitaire trips to the market relaxing. So I arrive at the place where all the cashiers are, and I scan the area to see which one is the shortest line. I find it, go to it and proceed to stand behind a couple of people. Well, not exactly.
The lady paying was one of the incredibly annoying women that insist on paying for everything with exact change, supposedly because they want to get rid of some little coins that are cluttering their purse. Of course, these little coins are not placed in a coin purse or in the compartment most wallets have for such a purpose. No. Most women just seem to throw coins in their purse to get lost within the inferno that is the contents of the average female’s bag. So she’s there rummaging through her things looking for the elusive coin she could’ve sworn she had in there, somewhere.
Seriously, there have been be plenty of times when I grab coins from my pocket and had over what the lady needed just to get things moving. “See this, lady? This is a called a POCKET. We men use it to keep things we might need in a hurry. Perhaps if you women weren’t so busy trying to make your own pockets so incredibly tiny that you can’t even shove a finger into them then maybe you’d be able to keep stuff in there. But wait! Those pockets seem just about the right size for… what? A COIN!”
Behind her there are a couple of old ladies standing in line, each one with a basket so ridiculously full that you just had to wonder why they both didn’t just push a cart. My guess is that they do it to feel like they’re not actually spending that much, perhaps some technique they saw on TV about how the could save money at the supermarket. I can imagine it now: “when at the supermarket, always carry a basket instead of a cart. This way, you won’t be able to hold as many things and you’ll see the basket full with much less, thus feeling like you’ve already got enough stuff”. Some thing like that. This reminds me of my grandmother when the doctor put her on a diet and told her that if she was hungry that she could just eat some healthy snacks. My grandmother took his advice to heart and so every time she feels like it she proceeds to sit down and eat the entire bag.
But those people are not what this text is about, and beside, they were nothing compared with the mystery that now lay before me. On the floor, right there, was a basket with a pair of socks in them. Just that. Of course, I just assumed that somebody had been paying for their stuff, taking them from the basket then placing them on that fun-looking moving band cashiers got (I want to sit on one of those someday) and eventually decided that they didn’t really need a pair of socks. Maybe they were just forgotten. But then, why was it right on the floor in the middle of the line?
I decided to just leave it where it was (you never know, maybe they were tainted socks, which would explain why they were left behind) and continued to stand in line, listening to my music and minding my business. But the answer to this riddle arrived in the form of an old lady that came rushing from within the supermarket with a single piece of underwear in her hand. I concluded that she must have forgotten that she needed those and didn’t want to miss her place in line, so she left in a hurry to get them (coin lady still hasn’t found her coin). No harm done, just pay more attention next time, because that little stunt is actually rather annoying.
But no. She just threw the panties into the basket and hurried away, only to come back a minute later with a can of beans, dump it in the basket again and hurry away once more. This old lady somehow believes she found a loophole in the system of long, annoying supermarket lines. Well guess what, old lady? THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS! Sure enough, I’ve seen people go with somebody else, leave the other person standing in line and then hurry around the supermarket grabbing what they needed, probably because they didn’t need more than a couple of things and were in a hurry.
But that’s a person. And actual human being. Heck, I’d be OK with it if you left your dog there. I might even play with it. BUT A BASKET DOES NOT REPRESENT YOU! Do you really think so little of yourself that a pair of socks, some panties and a can of beans are all it takes to save your spot in line? Next time why don’t you just spit on the floor, point to it and proclaim “I CALL THAT SPOT!”
And besides, a can of beans, panties and socks? What kind of person just buys that combination of items? Do you plan to eat the beans and try to see how long you can go without going to the bathroom? Is that what the new panties are for? Are the socks there to keep you warm during the process?
After a couple more trips, the coin lady and the basket ladies had already paid. I figured that if her turn came up and she wasn’t there then I’d just step over her basket and pay for my stuff. But here’s the best part: as soon as the couple of basket ladies paid, she came rushing with a last item (a box of facial tissues… the plot thickens), picked up her basket from the floor and paid for her stuff. I strongly believe that she didn’t even get all she need, she probably just does this until her turn in the line comes up, then proceeding to pay regardless of how complete her shopping might actually be.
Seriously? Is this the way you normally shop? I should add that besides rushing from her basket to the market lanes the old lady really didn’t seem to be in that much of a hurry. She took her time paying up and even rummaged through her purse looking for coins. In the end, she even abandoned the socks (I guess she figured the beans would keep her warm enough).
In case you’re wondering, I didn’t say anything. At all. I was too busy trying to figure it all out and besides, I wasn’t about to start an argument over a spot in a supermarket line. But aside from the noisy children you find in there or the people that feel like it’s perfectly acceptable to run your over with their shopping carts, that was probably the person that has annoyed me them most, ever, in a supermarket.
And so I thought I’d share my irate story with you.
What’s this “you women making your pockets so tiny” bullcrap?
It’s them people (mostly men) in “fashion” telling us women what we’re supposed to look like and ONLY producing clothing for women who fit into their category of acceptable appearances that make our pockets ridiculously tiny if they deign to give us pockets at all.
As a woman I’d love it if I could find more clothes that were actually designed for practicality and comfort rather than how some random douche on the street things it brings out my ass.
Male privilege is not a pretty thing.
Good stuff, first time that I actually hear of someone doing that! I wonder what would happen if you kicked her basket out of the line…
I was bored.
This brightened my day.
Thanks O.
(:
PS: I hope I’m not the only one who gets annoyed when buying one thing at the supermarket, the person in front of you (with a full cart) doesn’t let you past, even though it’s not a rule..
Lol @ old lady method for “cutting” in line ;D
c’mon O please make a new episode of the audiorant!! I see u got some awesome situations happening eh
i would have taken a poop in her basket and see if she notices.
old people think they found a loophole in anything and/or everything… they are the worst in public transport… it’s like, if they don’t get out first, the reaper is gonna get them or something… they will kick u in the nuts on they way out, and will not look back, let alone apologize…
@Thaily it’s not the problem in pockets… women always put coins in there purse, and not in there wallet… and ALWAYS have at least 30 things they will NEVER need, but say it’s essential… that is why they can never find loose change
Nicely ranted.
@Thaily: I’ll grant you that “Nobody makes the kind of things I want” does happen, but… coin purse.
Women ALWAYS do that dzibus87? I was already miffed, like Taily, that O blamed women for the small pockets on women’s clothing. I love you O, but I agree with Taily, I’d love utilitarian pockets like men’s clothing has, hence why I used to wear men’s pants. Don’t blame women, or at least not ALL women, for the clothing available. But dzibus87, now you’re saying that women “always put coins in there [sp: should be "their"] purse and ALWAYS have at least 30 things they will NEVER need.” And then you add a smiley face as if that’s really funny because it’s true.
I always put coins in my coin purse that’s on my wallet. I used to work retail, and the majority of the women who came through my line had their change in change purses or their wallet. Yes, there were women who had coins dumped in their purse, there were elderly people that made me want to scream as they carefully counted out coin by coin, but that wasn’t the norm.
Anyway, I really like your story O, makes me wonder if that women does that kind of marathon shopping regularly. It could almost be a game, see how many times you can run back and forth before you have the line runs down and you have to check out.
Geez O, why’d you tell those old ladies about your site? Now they’re whining about their habits in the comments…
Just my two cents on women.
I work on the trains, taking tickets mostly. While certainly not true off all women a large part of, predominantly, younger women seem to have these GIANT bags nowadays. And in those bags they usually have a smaller bag and in that smaller bag they have an even smaller bag that functions as an oversized wallet.
So when I approach and ask for the ticket they take FOREVER to rummage around three bags to get out what they should have already have had out. Men on the otherhand almost always have the ticket ready or otherwise have it in an easily accessable pocket.
Also while on the subject of strange things women do (and this is a fairly small group but still) I never seize to be amazed at what some women do to be more attractive. In the winter with 5-6 inches of snow and winds that freeze you right through your clothes there are always some women (or should I say girls) that dress up in these tiny little miniskirts and thin (almost see through) tops and very little else.
I mean I appreciate the view but there has to be something wrong with you if dress that way in sub-zero temperatures.
@Thaily, how about you just buy, oh, I don’t know, guys trousers instead if it bothers you so that instead of pockets you have a sign that says “Look at my fabulous behind”. Sure, you might get funny look and all, but hey, ‘least they comfy.
UD, in defense of Thaily and women everywhere, how about you turn off your attitude. You can ask a question to further a healthy dialogue without being snarky. As a personal anecdote on the matter, I have worn men’s trousers when aiming for comfort and reasonable pockets, but I stopped because, seeing as they’re built for men, they’re not as comfortable on a women as they could be. See, men’s pants are really long in the crotch to accommodate for a man’s package, and that (at least on me) meant that they didn’t fit right and ended up chaffing. So it’s not all about aesthetics, men’s pants just tend to be cut different.
I can agree that a lot of women seem to use really unnecessarily large bags, it baffles me too (what are they putting in there??).
And Kenneth? What’s your problem dude, I don’t know what old women you’re talking about, that’s certainly not me.
You always think how these zombie epidemies start… And here you go! A pair of mysterious socks!
Point for you then!
Good you didn’t start argument there – the worst thing we can do with annoying things is starting arguments, it always make them worse
I like the idea of it being a game to see how many things you can get in your basket before it’s your turn. Them old folk need to mix it up too keep life interesting. As far as the socks…maybe they were already in the basket, like AngryPotato suggests (I’d be mad too if I was a potato) waiting for someone to take them home.
And this is why I order my groceries online. In the Netherlands, we have Albert.nl, who graciously deliver whatever I order from them into my kitchen. Granted, you pay a few euros for the privilige, but I gladly do, if it saves me from the umpth layer of hell they call a supermarket.
Now a liquor store, that’s where I like to hang out and take my time shopping…
Damn you sound pissed. But hey, I can relate to that story…
Hey O, sorry to go off topic, but the contact page is for some reason bugging. Are there any other way for me to contact you ? The Contact page wont work for me, it dont do nothing
@dzibus87 @Skeptible; I’d like to know who “all these women” who don’t use a coin purse are, because I’m a woman and I just put them in my wallet. So does my mother and all my female friends. Generalizing is bad, m’kay?
@UD; Because women have a significantly different anatomy from men, as in, wider hips and thighs. Men’s pants do not fit comfortably if you have a feminine physique because they are not designed to accommodate a fabulous behind. Otherwise I’d be all over that.
O, what you should have done is surreptitiously dropped a couple of random items in her cart. While she’s playing “hold the spot” you get to play “pad the basket”; everyone wins.
And ANYONE who pulls that exact change crap in an express lane at the supermarket should be pelted with cans of pork ‘n beans. I don’t mean those little 12 oz van de camps beans; I mean 1 gallon super-econo sized cans o’ beans.
@Thaily: Generalization is bad indeed, but your comments weren’t exactly the most objective either. I realize that male privilege is a real problem, but there are plenty of clothing stores that sell all varieties of women’s clothing designed for function rather than form. Perhaps you’re simply not shopping in the correct places. There are also many women employed in fashion who design clothes that are not optimized for women, so don’t think that only men have a say in women’s clothing.
Also note that women’s privilege exists, only it seems it is considered inappropriate to comment on for some reason.
Kintrex: You have to separate ‘male privilege’ from ‘things done by men’. Most of male privilege is part of our society.
seriously guys, you have that great story and all you can talk about is the pockets on women’s pants.
nobody wondered how that supermarket might be the weirdest one in the world. just the fact that O is shopping there makes it a little bit weirder
wow, that old lady with the shopping basket, what a bitch !
Obviously thinking time does not apply to anyone but herself.
I actually work part time in a supermarket, and yes all these are cases. What annoys me most at the moment is the even number scenario. Yes you have a bill of £19.05, you give £20 note and a five pence piece, great, thats actually pretty helpfully. Its the people who bloody try to help, “Thats £23.45 please” right, heres £20 and a £5 note, and a 30p piece, and a 5p piece.” I usually stare blankly back, thinking how I wish to throttle the person across the shop floor. Yes you know what, the computer attached to the cash register serves its pupose, so I dont have to count your bloody change. To be honest, its polite for them to say “I just wanted to get rid of the change” but seriously this happens way too much.
I also dislike over politeness, people sometimes misjudge my work, “ohh you poor boy, i am sorry, sorry, ohhh sorry dear, you look over worked and tired” …”ummm actually i just started my shift 5 minutes ago, and have a 4 hour shift today, pretty good day” i tell em.
or “love, cheer up, your almost finished”…. “HA FUCK OFF I HAVE ANOTHER 8 FRIGGIN HOURS OF THIS SHIT WITH SOME CRAPPY BREAK” but I dont, its more like “MMmm thanks !”
Yet I always feel sorry for the famers who use the store ( we live in an area full of farms you see) working their bloody asses off all day to feed these people, one of them had a bicycle to get him to work, in winter !